tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.comments2023-05-19T08:58:11.653-07:00Always in My Heart: An Adoption JourneyJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08073625813017871573noreply@blogger.comBlogger237125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-3076903565049862542012-06-01T21:16:09.391-07:002012-06-01T21:16:09.391-07:00I'm 18 and I just met and found my entire birt...I'm 18 and I just met and found my entire birth family. I'm going through much of the same confusion and discomfort and identity questions as you are. But it's one hell of a ride that has a purpose and meaning or reward somewhere, we just have to find it.Anastasia Maehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15654652626936915812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-21191117273839684062012-05-31T07:49:30.968-07:002012-05-31T07:49:30.968-07:00Sometimes we are all looking around trying to figu...Sometimes we are all looking around trying to figure out how we like our eggs! I still do it. But then foster kids are much like adoptees with more information.<br /><br />I hope that things even out and you have a wonderful self-discovery journey.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-41988846191598012742012-04-02T17:53:36.896-07:002012-04-02T17:53:36.896-07:00I understand that... I really do. I feel about th...I understand that... I really do. I feel about the same about my daughter. Constant rejection for a decade can mess with anything that you try to build. I never will understand your mother or my daughter. It will never be real. The worst part is, you really can't tell what another person is totally about. For me, my daughter has completely pulled back, sans her blog stalking, and has let me know that she had hoped I was dead. Sadly, I do love her unconditionally, I just don't like her much. I have never felt love from my daughter - not once since our reunion.<br /><br />I hope that things work out right for you. In the end all we can really do is be loving, forgiving and understanding. And most of all protect ourselves and care for ourselves.<br /><br />Hang in there.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-89779139813094340902012-01-11T18:47:32.566-08:002012-01-11T18:47:32.566-08:00Thank you, everyone, for welcoming me back! Bloggi...Thank you, everyone, for welcoming me back! Blogging is good for me, but finding the right words to express how I'm feeling is what I've struggled with. My brain is on overload...so much to say I don't even know where to start! <br /><br />"One thing that liars can't tolerate is the truth." Couldn't have said it better myself, Linda!! <br /><br />Lori, I've never asked my mom to be more "human". All I've ever wanted from her is to be wanted. She told me that if she could do it all over again and have the choice to give me up or keep me, she would give me up again. I think that says it all right there. She says she loves me, but I honestly have never felt true love from her. I've spent years convincing myself, despite her words and actions, that she does love me. She chose to give me up and she clearly meant that to be a permanent thing. I'll never "write her off", because she is my mom and I do love her. However, I'm tired of putting so much of my emotions and self-worth into figuring out a way to make my mom love me. Being rejected by her multiple times has left scars that will probably never fully heal, but I have too many people in my life that do love me to let her heartlessness overtake me. If I've learned anything from her, I've learned to love my kids unconditionally and let them know it. I can't thank her for much, but Lord knows that I can thank her for that. <br /><br />And Christina, I've missed you!! I'm so sorry about your nfather. I know too well how that feels. Thinking about you.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09334221436274563077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-71166493069156510402012-01-10T04:48:24.516-08:002012-01-10T04:48:24.516-08:00I am so glad you are back blogging! I've miss...I am so glad you are back blogging! I've missed you <3. <br /><br />I wish your mother could have realized that love isn't finite. People's hearts can care for more than one person at a time and just because you wanted to get to know your father, doesn't mean you love or need her any less.<br /><br />I hope she comes around..but this time, it will be on your terms. I'm dealing with the emotional loss of my natural father (he's suddenly gone MIA on me) and I know what you are going through. Keep writing..it'll help.<br /><br />Love you sweet girl.Crickethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16968579258082745674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-3935214399267980402012-01-09T18:09:58.632-08:002012-01-09T18:09:58.632-08:00It is good to see you back. I wish, truly, that y...It is good to see you back. I wish, truly, that your mother could reconcile herself with her past. It isn't as easy as you would think. Recently I have had to tell my daughter that I do not want to be part of her life. I can't handle the ups and downs, lies or recriminations. I don't have the worry about her father, never did. He and I would probably be together today if things were a bit different - including him not being alive. It isn't as easy on mothers as many would like to believe and it is even harder when others want us to be more than human or less than human.<br /><br />I am sorry your mother can't bring herself to a point where she can deal. Please don't write her off yet... honestly, you really don't know whose perspective is true or real. No one can be sure except your mother and father.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-45229920549011608862012-01-09T17:45:06.438-08:002012-01-09T17:45:06.438-08:00Glad too you are back and have clarity, such a val...Glad too you are back and have clarity, such a valuable place to be!Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-61533561202688205972012-01-09T13:40:05.106-08:002012-01-09T13:40:05.106-08:00Oh, my.....that is so much to take in. I am very h...Oh, my.....that is so much to take in. I am very happy that your Father, his wife and your siblings have accepted you!! It's a great feeling, and it is the way it should be. <br /> <br />I have to say that I find your mother's behavior to be VERY familiar. My own Mother has lied many times over to me, my siblings and other members of our family. Knowing that you have a relationship with your father must be threatening to her...because the truth comes out, and the truth doesn't change. And one thing liars cannot tolerate is the truth. Funny how that works, huh? <br /> <br />My last rejection by my n MOther was crushing, but like you said, I have clarity now. I also have truth, which is so very important to me. Im not sure our adoption experiences will ever be a completed work. We are continually evolving & learning from the first rejection, and we keep learning more about ourselves. <br /> <br />SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK!!! xoxoxoReal Daughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361127479878590761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-55345706493962220532012-01-06T18:54:22.212-08:002012-01-06T18:54:22.212-08:00Good wishes, reunion ain't easy but don't ...Good wishes, reunion ain't easy but don't need to tell you that!Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-27835184351524567132012-01-06T17:35:07.475-08:002012-01-06T17:35:07.475-08:00Nice to "see you" again!Nice to "see you" again!Real Daughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361127479878590761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-19703588784441070522012-01-06T08:18:58.012-08:002012-01-06T08:18:58.012-08:00Glad to have you back to blogging.Glad to have you back to blogging.birthmothertalkshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17690158739622745922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-45539207454989670352012-01-06T06:08:09.533-08:002012-01-06T06:08:09.533-08:00Wishing you well.Wishing you well.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-87911832608494566922011-08-15T23:42:33.389-07:002011-08-15T23:42:33.389-07:00I understand that a lot of times the birth fathers...I understand that a lot of times the birth fathers left us in a rather undesirable situation to deal with everything on our own...however, what I don't understand is the way your birth mother reacted!<br /><br />I know everyone is different and all that but come on! It has been how many years? Who's to say your birth father hasn't grown up and matured? Who's to say that he doesn't regret the way he treated her? Who's to say that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you NOW? Who's to say that he didn't come looking for you because he thought it should be you to find him because he didn't want to disrupt your life?<br /><br />What ever the case, I can't see why she would not support you and love you through this time with your birth father. Your relationship with him is completely separate from your relationship with her and just because they had some difficulties in their relationship does not mean he will be that way with you.<br /><br />I am sorry she is adding to your anxiety about not knowing what to do. So if their talk was something you would have never expected to happen I am going to guess that they were able to work thru their very OLD differences are he said he was sorry and now they are on good terms? Am I close?<br /><br />This happened with me and my son's birth father when I found him and it was quite refreshing to let go of all the hurt he caused me. Even though he had hurt me tremendously, I would NEVER have discouraged my son from having a relationship with him.<br /><br />Can't wait to hear the rest! I've missed your posts.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11586366927242305070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-6251425160747269472011-08-06T18:11:09.679-07:002011-08-06T18:11:09.679-07:00I understand your mom's anxiety. I went looki...I understand your mom's anxiety. I went looking for my daughter's father, before I found my daughter. I did it because, while I knew he loved her, I didn't want to spring her on him yet again. I wasn't sure how she would react if he was reluctant - and I really wasn't sure how I would react to seeing him again if he chose to get involved..... It is scary.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-3957344492948618452011-08-06T05:35:18.052-07:002011-08-06T05:35:18.052-07:00OMG..what a tease!!! What happened when your mom ...OMG..what a tease!!! What happened when your mom called your dad?? Missed you honey.. <3Crickethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16968579258082745674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-40775097699663689272011-06-13T00:12:52.126-07:002011-06-13T00:12:52.126-07:00This was exactly how it was with my nmom - I first...This was exactly how it was with my nmom - I first contacted her when I was 20 and when I was twenty three she sent me a letter that essentially ended the reunion, even though we had not met face to face. It was 20 years again before I had the guts to try to contact her again and this time she was delightfully willing to include me in her life...but I found myself at arms length even pushing her away in some respects because I couldnt bear the thought of her deciding at the last minute to drop me again. <br /><br />SharonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-17827484640014695732011-06-10T16:00:31.045-07:002011-06-10T16:00:31.045-07:00I am just coming back to blogging too...for me it ...I am just coming back to blogging too...for me it is so cathartic and soothes my soul. But sometimes I need a break. Don't beat yourself up about needing to take a step back.<br /><br />I owe you a long email....I have missed you! <3Crickethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16968579258082745674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-4417032664562431282011-06-05T07:24:29.477-07:002011-06-05T07:24:29.477-07:00Don't feel guilty when talking about the diffi...Don't feel guilty when talking about the difficulties! Yes, compared to some you may have a "better" reunion story, but compared to others yours is harder. No reunion is easy, no reunion is perfect. By telling your journey, you may very well be giving insight to someone going through the very same thing. Also, by reading the parts of your journey that are better than theirs at the moment, you may be giving them hope for a better relationship in the future.<br /><br />Your posts help me see what my son may be thinking, they help me to know how something I say that I mean in one way may be interpreted by him in completely a different way. In effect, you are helping my reunion to be a better one.<br /><br />So. Where do you go from here? One step at a time, one day at a time, and by doing what is best for YOU ~ nobody else.Susiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-62922330920564377862011-06-05T06:16:42.998-07:002011-06-05T06:16:42.998-07:00I've thought about going private a few times. ...I've thought about going private a few times. But then I get this amazing comment, and decide to keep things open for a bit longer until I have to go private.<br /><br />I think that if blogging makes you feel better, than keep going. No stress. Whatever helps you to process. If that's blogging, than that's what you do. If blogging makes things worse, than take a break. We'd all miss you of course, but you need to do what's best for YOU!Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07905673873066445519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-26756958745798100402011-06-05T01:06:34.101-07:002011-06-05T01:06:34.101-07:00Jen, you simply put one foot in front of the other...Jen, you simply put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Sometimes it helps to sort tasks and needs according to what is necessary now, what can wait til tomorrow and the rest, well, as it happens....<br /><br />As far as the mother thing and the up and down thing, you have to know this.....she is probably as lost as you.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-57871218125469631392011-06-05T00:59:33.318-07:002011-06-05T00:59:33.318-07:00Unavoiding is a great start, if we don't tell ...Unavoiding is a great start, if we don't tell the truth of how hard it is for some of us the myths will persist that it is easy, wonderful and full of joy.Just like the rest of adoption really.I've just closed the foor on my father's family and have no regrets.VonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-56736498791488093142011-05-09T11:22:24.872-07:002011-05-09T11:22:24.872-07:00I just found your blog and read through the whole ...I just found your blog and read through the whole thing in just a few short hours. I want to thank you for sharing your story. I'm just going through reunion #2 and I too have been on the emotional roller coaster. It's so validating to hear some else having the same fears and anxiety that I've been living. I just started blogging my story here if you're interested: http://haleyandherfamilies.blogspot.com/ . <br /><br />I hope the very best for you as you journey on this rocky adoption road. Again, thank you for sharing. I cried with you today, and it was so good to know I'm not alone.Haleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02330061581753454887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-79412908411847785852011-04-21T06:35:01.440-07:002011-04-21T06:35:01.440-07:00Jen, I'm so terribly sad that you have to worr...Jen, I'm so terribly sad that you have to worry about your a-parents in this. I know it happens a lot, but I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing it. Geez... (heavy sigh)... I feel like shaking a-parents who make their kid's search and reunion about them. Are you KIDDING ME? I hope you take strength and peace from the love you receive from your cyber-friends. We're all pulling for you, Jen!Sally Bacchettahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14765341603688023981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-3075981055378408202011-04-20T09:56:27.309-07:002011-04-20T09:56:27.309-07:00I can relate to the roller coaster! The thing tha...I can relate to the roller coaster! The thing that stands out to me most is this...<br /><br />why would having a relationship with your birth father ruin the relationship you have with your birthmother?<br /><br />I know your ap's have made things difficult for you as far as your bio family is concerned and I totally get you wanting to tread lightly there, BUT why wouldn't your birthmom WANT you to know your birthfather just like you know her?<br /><br />It's where you came from and it is your right. As a birthmother myself I would totally support that relationship. There is enough room in your life for you to love all the different people who belong in it.<br /><br />I mean after all you never hear someone say they have too many aunts or uncles right? Or oh we don't talk to those cousins because we have too many anyway... =)<br /><br />Your family is just growing and getting bigger which is a good thing in my opinion because it means there are that many more people to love you!Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11586366927242305070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3996373922992990739.post-89417688230233342312011-04-20T09:48:01.037-07:002011-04-20T09:48:01.037-07:00I of course am always one to expect the worst from...I of course am always one to expect the worst from people so my first thought is that the "friend" isn't really a friend at all, but your dad who made up a profile to message you through.<br /><br />Also, if he is talking about you at home it wouldn't be so weird for his son to also be reaching out to you at the same time.<br /><br />The brother is probably not expecting anything but to know you. All of my children look at my son who was placed for adoption like he is a rock star. They just want to talk to him and know him and bask in the light at his feet.<br /><br />And as far as not being up to a relationship with your birthdad...you never know, maybe having a relationship with him will be nothing like your relationship with your birthmom, maybe it will be easy.<br /><br />Good luck and I am so happy you are back!<br /><br />I think both of their intentions seem pure and who knows "why" now after all these years, but it could be a number of things all leading to him trying to give you time to get to know your birth mom first before he tried to jump in. Or maybe he thought once she told you who he was that you would contact him.<br /><br />Some birth parents don't contact their child because they feel like they would be interrupting their life but would welcome that child with open arms if they reached out to them.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11586366927242305070noreply@blogger.com