The Accident

My daughter had a basketball game the day I received my birth mom's message. It was in a different town, so I knew I would be on the road for a while that afternoon. As I was getting the kids ready to head out the door, I kept playing her message over and over in my mind. I was very curious why she was calling. She sounded alright, maybe a little distracted, but I figured something big had to of happened for her to think she needed to break her silence and call. I decided that I should call her before I left and see if she even would answer. For all I knew I maybe missed my chance to talk to her. So, I took a deep breath and called her back.

She answered right away. She sounded different. I didn't know if it was because it had been a while or if it was the situation, but something was different about her. She told me she didn't have a long time to talk, but needed to let me know that there had been an accident at her parents' house. She preceded to tell me the specifics....
In a recent ice storm all of the power in the area where her parents lived was lost. They had a propane heater that had malfunctioned, therefore leading to an explosion that burned their house to the ground. Both of her parents were there when it happened. Her dad was severely burned,flown out of state for care and her mom had passed away in the blast.

I was absolutely speechless. Literally, I did not have any words. There was just a long silence. My heart was broken for her for so many different reasons. The accident was horrific. Losing someone you love is hard, but such tragic circumstances seemed to make it that much worse. I also knew that she and her mom were very, very close. Her mom was her best friend. She talked to her about everything. I knew she was devastated.

It took me a minute to finally choke up the words, "I'm so sorry." That was all that I could say. She was crying, but very calm. I could hear a lot of talking in the background. She told me that she was at her parents' house with her sisters trying to find a fireproof safe with documents in it so she needed to go, but would call me when she got home later that evening. She told me she loved me and then hung up.

I was still in a state of shock. I could not believe what had happened. The accident, the phone call, her voice, her telling me that she loved me. I was so confused and so sad. I cried for her, for her family, for myself. After a moment, I got myself back together and headed out the door to my daughter's game.

For the rest of the day, I could not stop thinking about the conversation. Had it really happened? Was her mom, my grandma, really gone? Why did she call me? Why did she think I needed to know? Was she even going to call me back like she said?

For obvious reasons, I was not expecting a call that night. Given the fact that she had not returned one of my calls in years, coupled with the turmoil she was going through, it was a logical conclusion. And I was right. She didn't call. She sent me a text: "I am so sorry for not calling tonight like I promised I would. I got in later than I thought. I will call you tomorrow." And she did.

And the story continues to unfold....

Fast forward to a month after sending the letter to my birthmom. It is now the end of January of 2010. For the first time in the nearly 4 years since being out of contact with my birth mom, I felt that I was at a better place. I had finally reached a point where I realized that my life would not include my biological mother. Did I still think about her? Of course. Was I still disappointed things were not different? Definitely. I still felt the loss, but the sting was finally starting to numb. I had a family of my own that needed me to be the best I could be. So, I was doing just that...trying to be my best.

That all changed one Saturday, when I received a call from my birth mom. When I saw it was her, I immediately shut down. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to answer the phone, but a huge part of me was saying -- 'NOOOOOOO!!!". "What in the world could she want?" "She hasn't called you in 4 years!" "You are FINALLY beginning to cope without her." -- Needless to say, I didn't answer it, but she left a message. I waited a couple of hours to listen to it. I'm not sure why I waited so long. I guess I was trying to prepare myself, but I have no idea what for. When I finally listened to it, this is what she said:

Hi. It's me. I was just calling to tell you that there has been
an accident at mom and dad's and I felt like I needed to tell
you about it. Please call me as soon as you can. I'll talk to
you later. Bye.

So...what do you think happens next? I asked myself a hundred questions after listening to her message several times. I will post the details within the next couple of days. Wondering when the drama will end? Me too! ::Sigh::