Blindsided

You know, the craziest things happen when you're not looking for them. At least for me. Finding my husband, getting pregnant with twins, losing my twins, finding out I was pregnant with my 3rd, and , of course, my reunion with my mom totally blindsided me. Those are the first situations that popped in my head that were completely unexpected. I wasn't looking or expecting any of those things to happen, but they did. Some of those situations were for the better and some of them I'm still trying to figure out "why". Regardless, they all came when I least expected it.

Well...as you have probably guessed by now...I have been blindsided once again.

As I was getting ready to leave for school yesterday morning, I noticed that I had an email notifying me of a message someone left for me on facebook. So, I clicked on it just to see who it was. I didn't recognize the name so I started reading the message:

I am helping a friend search for their daughter...we believe you are her call me @ ***-***-****. His name is (first name) (last name), he is your dad

My first thought, being as naive as I can sometimes, was "Oh, someone must be randomly searching for a family member and came across my name." However, when I got to the last line and saw his first and last name, I thought I was going to pass out. It was insane. According to my mom, he's known that she's been in contact with me for 9 years. Why is he trying to find me now? He knows how to get in touch with her. Why isn't he just calling her? Who in the world is this "friend" that's trying to help him? The questions just kept coming.

I sent my mom a text and asked her if she knew the friend by name. She, of course, didn't. I told her the rest of the situation and she said she knew nothing about it and she'd call me after work and we could figure it all out. So I went to school and went on with my normal routine. I thought about the situation off and on all day and wondered what I should do.

I've mentioned before that I don't know how I feel about meeting my dad. It has been so emotionally draining trying to figure out my relationship with my mom that I honestly don;t know if I can pursue another relationship right now. Plus, this one was easy because it was his friend, not him. I thought if he wanted to talk to me, find me, whatever, he could do it himself. It may sound kind of bratty but, unfortunately, my heart is a bit guarded right now. I don't want to be hurt.

When I got home from school, I got on facebook to see if this friend of his had any pictures or other info on her page. She didn't. All it showed was where she lived and that she was a 'she'. No profile pic or anything. I started talking to my husband about it when I noticed another message had popped up. I clicked on it and I read:

I was wondering if you are my sister. (My first, maiden and last names). Daughter of (my mom's first and last name). I was wondering if you know your birth dads name?

I just about died! What on earth is happening? My dad is supposedly looking for me and then my half brother sends me a message the same day looking for me. I could handle the "friend of my dad" situation because it wasn't him, just a friend. But my brother? I don't want to leave him hanging. He has a picture of him with what looks like a girlfriend or something as his profile pic. No other information. I text my mom and she called and told me that he was my dad's middle son with his current wife. He's in high school.

So, like I said...the craziest things happen when you're not looking for them. I haven't messaged anybody back. It just happened yesterday and I'm trying to process it all. What do I want? What should I do? What will I regret if I don't? You know...all the good questions that roll through your mind. I think I might respond to the friend and give her my e-mail and tell her he can contact me that way. i don;t want to call and talk to a complete stranger. As far as my brother's message,I want to respond just to say I got it and yes, I know my birth dad's name. I'm not sure what he wants or is expecting. He's young and obviously has no idea what he's getting himself into. But, really, who does? I know I don't!

Hard Cold Facts...in my opinion

As you've noticed, I've been MIA for a while on my blog. I have been super busy, but I also think there's a HUGE let-down after the holidays. It has taken me some time to get back into the mood to do much of anything. I think I'm finally getting back on track...maybe. ;)

I was led back to my blog because I had a few comments that needed to be moderated. One was in reference to this post regarding having second thoughts about obtaining my OBC. The comment is as follows...

Jen and other adoptees:

Has it occurred to you( adoptees _that your aparents were doing the best that they could to shield you from the hard cold FACTS of your birth story?

There are many adoptees of today that don't have the "young teen mom" birth story. Today's bmoms are older and have children already...what makes you think you weren't one of them? Instead of jumping to conclusions, know the facts before you're against adoption or any other thing.

I was going to reply to this within the comments of that post, but really wanted to share it with ALL my lucky readers! I mean...who doesn't want to hear the hard, cold facts??? In response to the comment...

Yes, it has occurred to me that my aparents believed they were doing what was best for me to "shield me from the hard cold facts". However, they were facts about ME and I have the right to know them. In my situation, the only reason my AP's withheld information regarding my adoption was simply because they did not want me to know. They did not want me to find my biological family and made that pretty clear by keeping all documents relating my relinquishment hidden from me. Still, to this day, they are not willing to give me documents they have relating to my adoption. That is not OK. Adoption is very complex and is filled with emotions. First moms and adoptees suffer greatly in adoption. I believe adoptive parents must be prepared for this and should take great pains in helping the child cope. Hiding information from a child, or better yet an ADULT child, is wrong. EVERYONE has a right to know where they come from. PERIOD.

Also, I am not at all sure what parts of my blog you have read. If you've read anything leading up to that particular post, you will know that I have been in reunion with my first mom for over 8 years now. She did have the "young teen mom birth story" coupled with racial issues that unfortunately led to my relinquishment. I am fully aware of who I am to her.

Finally, asking other adoptee's opinions in regard to obtaining my OBC is hardly "jumping to conclusions". I know the facts and have never claimed to be anti-adoption. I do believe there is a place for adoption. There are hundreds of children in the foster care system that need loving families. Adoption has a place. Taking newborns from young, capable, uninformed mother's, in my opinion, is not the place.

I type all of this to say that adoption is not only the simple and wonderful thing many people assume. It is extremely complex, and the experience varies a lot from person to person. Adoption is based first on loss. For a child to gain a new family, they first lose their first family....their birth family. Sometimes it works out for the best, and other times, it goes terribly wrong. There are many possibilities. I do not hate my AP's and the purpose of my blog is not to bash them. I'm sure there are times that I come across that way...guess it depends on my mood. I write to simply share my feelings about my life, gain support, and hopefully help others going through the same situation.

A few questions answered

I'm so sorry it's been a long time since I've posted. I've been so busy. It doesn't look like things are going to settle down anytime soon, so I thought I'd take some time to answer a few questions from this post. They've really made me think. That's been a good thing. I tend to ignore real issues, so actually having to reflect isn't bad from time to time! :)

I thought I could answer them all in one post, but I'll have to break it up. I am sure many of you reading may have differing opinions about my responses to some of the following questions, and that's fine. Feel free to add in your comments. I'd actually love to hear how some of you would respond to these questions, so feel free to comment away.

My daughter's birthday is Sat and she agreed that I could send her a gift. I sent her a really nice doll along with a toy car, because we joked about how I wouldn't send a car and she was like asking if I could try. She was joking. In the same box she will get a card that is a daughter card. Then, she will also get flowers with me and my sons signing it. This is the first birthday since I found her and we have yet to me. Do you think I over did it? No, I do not. Would you get mad if your birthmom claimed you as her daughter? Not at all, however, I am sure this is different for everyone. The first time my mom introduced me to someone as her daughter has been in the past couple of months (8 years into reunion). It completely caught me off guard, but it meant a lot to me. For me, it was a turning point in our relationship where I realized that she wasn’t embarrassed of me and really thought of me as a part of her and the family. Figuring out who I was to my natural family has been very difficult for me. I didn’t want to be the one to ask what was ok and not ok. Trying to find my place in a world where I always belonged but was never a part of has been the most difficult part of the whole reunion process.

I've been wondering if you have considered contacting your ndad? Good question. I just talked to my nmom about this the other night. The answer to this is still no. It may be hard for others to understand why. It’s been hard for me. In thinking about it more, the main reason I don’t want to contact him is because I have yet to feel like he actually cares or wants a relationship with me. If you’ve read my blog at all, you know that having a relationship with my mom has been extremely important to me. Having her in my life gives me a feeling of completion. I can’t say, at least not yet, that I’ve ever felt that way about my natural father. I have seen him on a couple of different occasions. They were both very crazy, surreal experiences. However, I have yet to feel that desire to want him in my life. Quite honestly, figuring out everything with my mom has been difficult enough. I’m not quite sure my heart is ready to go down that road.

Have your parents met your mom? No, they have not. Had any communication with her (cards,letters)? No to this one too. Would you like them to be "friends", or would you rather keep them "separate"? I don’t know if they can ever be “friends”, but I do not wish to keep them separate either. How do your parents feel about meeting/communicating with her? I would love for them to have a cordial relationship. It would make everything 100 times easier. My nmom is very open about wanting to meet my ap’s. My ap’s, mainly my amom, have not seemed to share that same desire. I would love for them to all be able to come together for my kids’ activities, parties, etc but, as of now, I am not sure if that’s ever going to be the case.

Do you think of your birth mother as an actual mother like you think of your amom or is the relationship different, more like good friends? I definitely think of my nmom as a mother. I mean, why would I not? She is just that…my mother!:) I also think of her as a friend, too. She's easy to talk to and she cares about my life in a way that I never had from my amom. When I talk to her, she genuinely seems interested in what's going on in my life. I must admit, at first, I didn’t know how I felt about her...Or I guess I should rephrase that to say that I didn't know how I was 'supposed' to feel about her. Since my ap’s were beyond devastated about her ‘finding’ me, I felt that it was not at all acceptable to take her in as my mom. She gave me up, I guess I was supposed to say, “To hell with you.” I had to get to a point where I was no longer shamed into feeling guilty for loving my nmom and wanting her in my life. When I got to that point, it was easier.

How soon were you ok with hearing that your birth mother loved you? As in her saying "I love you". I don’t think I could of heard that one soon enough. I had wondered my entire life if she really did love me. I wondered if it was easy for her to give me up. I wanted to know that she cared and had wondered about me her entire life. For me, that was very, very important. I wanted to hear her say that she did love me, it was a hard decision, and if she could go back and change it she would in a heartbeat. I think I lived every day of my life wanting to hear her say that was how she truly felt. Feeling rejected by your mother, your flesh and blood, is not a good feeling. If you feel like your own mother doesn’t love you, then you wonder who ever will.

I will try to finish up the other questions and post in the next few days. Thanks for making me 'think'! :)

From Where We Came

About 5 years ago, my adad started doing a lot of family history research. He decided that all of his children needed to know where they came from. He found cousins that he never knew and learned all about great, great great, great great great and even great great great great grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. He compiled all of his hours of research into these binders with pictures and biographical information and gave each of his kids one for Christmas one year. The binders were titled "From Where We Came". He was so proud of them...and he should have been. He put a lot of work into it. The binders were very informative. He felt so strongly that his children needed all of this information so they could know about their genealogy and where they came. I agree. I was just waiting for him to pull out MY binder with MY genealogy in it. Lucky for me, I didn't hold my breath.

That Christmas, I will never forget sitting down with my brother and sister and flipping through the pages of Great Great Great Grandpa George and his brother Fred and Fred's wife Helen and their 8 children.... As everyone was oohing and awing over their family, I couldn't help but feel more and more separate from them. The more pictures we looked at and the more information I read, the heavier my heart felt. The more curious I became. I wanted to know about MY genes, MY family and where I came from. But, I never said a word. I just quietly flipped through the pages of another family's history and imagined what it would be like to know half of this information about my own.

Since my re-reunion with my mom, I have kept my kids out of it, for the most part. I was a little skeptical if this was for real or not, so I wanted to give it some time before I got them involved. I can risk being hurt, but I try my best to protect my children.

I have talked to my oldest about my mom. She still vaguely remembers her. She talks about her dog and jumping on the trampoline and playing with her older cousins at her mom's house. She knows that she's my mom and I grew in her tummy. She seems to get all that. Well, my daughter's birthday was a month ago and my mom sent her a gift. I was surprised at my daughter's reaction to the gift. Not so much the gift itself, but who it was from. She was thrilled to be receiving something from her natural grandmother. She told me several times that she could not believe that she remembered her and she needed to send her a thank you note. A week or so later we were with my amom and my daughter brings up the gift she got from her "other grandma". I cringed when I heard her start talking about it because I knew the direction it would take. I was just waiting for my mom to blow up. But, she didn't. Right then and there, my daughter starts asking more questions about her, why she didn't keep me, where has she been all these years, and so on. I answered them and my amom just quietly listened. My daughter ended the conversation by saying that we really need to go see her. Wow! Like they say..."Out of the mouths of babes..." I'm sure that will not be the end of it, as far as a reaction from my amom, but I'm also glad my daughter brought it up. I'm glad that she was not afraid to speak up, ask questions, and be heard.

I say this a lot, but it's so, so true. There are too many times in my life that I want to scream out loud how much I hate adoption. Whether it's sitting on the couch staring at someone elses family tree or explaining to my daughter why my own mother couldn't keep me, the conversations and confusion that arise due to it never, ever end. It affects so many people. The bottom line?...EVERYONE wants to know where they come from and who their family is. Even as children, everyone is curious. Not that it's a new revalation for me. It's always been important to me. However, unlike my daughter, I was always too scared to speak up. I never had a voice of my own, but I'm so glad that she does and I'm even more glad that she's not afraid to be heard.

A second chance?

I did a post a few weeks ago about regrets. I mentioned within that post that I did have some regrets about how I have handled things along my reunion journey, but I am learning as I go. Since the past cannot be changed, I can only learn from my regrets and hopefully not make the same mistakes again. But, sometimes those second chances come quicker than you think.

This coming Saturday would have been my natural grandmother's 69th birthday. One evening while I was on the phone with my birth mom, she started talking about her mom's upcoming birthday and how hard that day was going to be. I realize that 'firsts' are always hard when you lose someone you love, so we talked about that. The next day, she called to ask me if I would want to go to the cemetery with her and a few family members to put flowers on her mom's grave, then go eat dinner and visit.

I'm sure you're probably thinking I am totally crazy for even momentarily thinking about saying I can't make it. It's so hard for me. I want to see my birth mom. It makes me feel really good to know she wants to include me. I want to be a part of my family. So, why is it so hard? What am I afraid of? I read other adoptee's blogs and am sometimes jealous about the relationship they have with their natural family. It seems so easy, natural, and unforced. I am SO afraid of rejection, that I am maybe a little too guarded. I worry about what people may say, how I will feel, will I be accepted.

So you may be again wondering, "Why is this so hard? What are you thinking?" Well...for me, it all goes back to the very reason why I was placed for adoption. It wasn't because my mom was only 17 and unwed. She had an 18 year old, unwed sister that had two children and one of them was being raised by her mom. She had to give me away because of my race. The fact that my father was black was a huge problem. Unfortunately for them, I cannot change that. I am who I am. I worry that my natural family may not accept me for who I am. If their reactions, issues, etc cause problems with my birth mom, it may lead to more rejection. I want to get past this. I want to be there for my birth mom. I want to do this for myself, but I'm so scared.

My birth mom and I talk quite frequently. Our conversations are good and I always get off the phone feeling better about our relationship then I did before. I have pessimistically waited for the ball to drop, the phone calls to end, the rejection to rear it's ugly head yet again, but so far I have seen nothing like that. I know she loves me and always has. I can hear it in her voice. She has told me too many times to count. She is my mom and I want to be there for her. I'm just scared.

Well, I have a couple of days to decide. She is not at all pressuring me, but I am putting a lot of pressure on myself. Why does it have to be so hard? This is one of those moments that I want to curse the day I was conceived. I didn't ask for any of this, but it is what it is. I've been given a second chance. It's up to me what I choose to do with it.

No one ever said it would be easy

When she called the next night, we talked for quite some time. She shared more details about the accident, how her dad was doing, and some of the drama surrounding extended family as well as the plans they had for the funeral. I just listened and tried my hardest to wrap my head around everything that was going on. Why does life have to be like this? Why does everything have to be so complicated? WHY DID I HAVE TO BE ADOPTED?! I found myself in probably the worst dilemma I had ever faced.

On one hand, I had been trying to reach out to my birth mom for years. I wanted her in my life so bad I could hardly stand it. I called, I wrote, called again, wrote again, called, called, called, wrote, wrote, wrote for FOUR YEARS with no response. I cried buckets of tears over the whole situation and put my family and friends through hell and back all because I wanted her in my life. I had FINALLY got to a point where I was nearing acceptance. I had to. I heard how she felt about me. Even though I didn't believe it, she still said those words. She treated me like crap with no regard to my feelings whatsoever. And now, her mother is gone, she's grieving, she's hurting beyond words...and now she's back, and she wants me in her life.

Not only does she want me in her life, but she wants me to be at the funeral. Not just the funeral, she wants me to attend the "family viewing" and stay for the meal afterwards. Seriously? She had not talked to me in four years. At that point, I still did not know if her son knew that I even existed. I guess I should mention that she also shared with me that my name and my children's names were not included in the obituary because it would possibly complicate things for her dad when he got better. OK... BUT I am supposed to attend the family viewing, family dinner, and funeral? SERIOUSLY?!

I was back at square one. I did not feel at all a part of my biological family. I was denied that at birth, and then again 28 years later. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place. Since my birth mom was grieving, I felt it was not the time or place to share why I was not at all comfortable attending. I wanted to so bad. I wanted to know what had happened the four years she ignored me. I wanted to tell her that if she wanted me to be a part of the family she needed to treat me like I was. If she didn't want my name listed as part of the family that was fine, but please do not expect me to come sit with the family and pretend as if I belonged there. I had pretended to feel like I belonged somewhere my whole life. I was tired of lies, deception and feeling inadequate. I wanted to belong, and this was definitely not it.

So, back to my dilemma. I love her. A lot. I wanted to be there for her. She had hurt me, but I knew she was hurting. I didn't want to leave her hanging like she did me. But, as much as her words said she wanted me there, her actions were not showing that. She was still denying me from being a part of the family. I could be there in body, but my name would not be included in anything.

Now, I realize that it can take a traumatic event to make you wake up and realize that life is too short to live with regrets. But how did I know if this was real? How did I know that she was so distraught she was just reaching out to find something to make her feel better. Anything...even if it was her rejected daughter. I loved her, but I did not know if I trusted her.

I had a major decision to make and I am probably one of the worst decision makers EVER. If it involves solely myself, it's not quite as difficult for me to decide what to do. However, if others thoughts and/or feelings are affected by the decision I have to make, in my head it becomes virtually impossible. It does not matter how big or small it is...what movie to watch or whether or not to attend a funeral can be incredibly tough decisions for me. I worry too much about letting others down. It is a definite character flaw that I have abhorred my entire life. I was at a loss. I was afraid if I didn't go, I may regret it later. But I was also afraid that if I did go, everyone would wonder who I was and why was I there? I did not want to feel rejected and out of place. Not again...I didn't know if I could take it.

I was back on the roller coaster. I couldn't think. I wanted so desperately to find a way out of the situation. Unfortunately, there was not one.

The Accident

My daughter had a basketball game the day I received my birth mom's message. It was in a different town, so I knew I would be on the road for a while that afternoon. As I was getting the kids ready to head out the door, I kept playing her message over and over in my mind. I was very curious why she was calling. She sounded alright, maybe a little distracted, but I figured something big had to of happened for her to think she needed to break her silence and call. I decided that I should call her before I left and see if she even would answer. For all I knew I maybe missed my chance to talk to her. So, I took a deep breath and called her back.

She answered right away. She sounded different. I didn't know if it was because it had been a while or if it was the situation, but something was different about her. She told me she didn't have a long time to talk, but needed to let me know that there had been an accident at her parents' house. She preceded to tell me the specifics....
In a recent ice storm all of the power in the area where her parents lived was lost. They had a propane heater that had malfunctioned, therefore leading to an explosion that burned their house to the ground. Both of her parents were there when it happened. Her dad was severely burned,flown out of state for care and her mom had passed away in the blast.

I was absolutely speechless. Literally, I did not have any words. There was just a long silence. My heart was broken for her for so many different reasons. The accident was horrific. Losing someone you love is hard, but such tragic circumstances seemed to make it that much worse. I also knew that she and her mom were very, very close. Her mom was her best friend. She talked to her about everything. I knew she was devastated.

It took me a minute to finally choke up the words, "I'm so sorry." That was all that I could say. She was crying, but very calm. I could hear a lot of talking in the background. She told me that she was at her parents' house with her sisters trying to find a fireproof safe with documents in it so she needed to go, but would call me when she got home later that evening. She told me she loved me and then hung up.

I was still in a state of shock. I could not believe what had happened. The accident, the phone call, her voice, her telling me that she loved me. I was so confused and so sad. I cried for her, for her family, for myself. After a moment, I got myself back together and headed out the door to my daughter's game.

For the rest of the day, I could not stop thinking about the conversation. Had it really happened? Was her mom, my grandma, really gone? Why did she call me? Why did she think I needed to know? Was she even going to call me back like she said?

For obvious reasons, I was not expecting a call that night. Given the fact that she had not returned one of my calls in years, coupled with the turmoil she was going through, it was a logical conclusion. And I was right. She didn't call. She sent me a text: "I am so sorry for not calling tonight like I promised I would. I got in later than I thought. I will call you tomorrow." And she did.

A fairytale ending...

...it was not. :( I didn't finish the post yesterday because I felt like they have all been so drab and depressing. I thought maybe a little fantasy world would be a nice change. Anyway...back to the story.

As I made eye contact with my bdad and he smiled and nodded, my first thought was 'I have to go tell him who I am.' My birth mom did not have very encouraging things to say about him when we were talking. I knew she had told him about me and that we were talking. He told her that he did not want to have anything to do with me because his wife would not be ok with it. I also knew that he had 2 other children that he did not have any kind of a relationship with either. So what made me so special? I definitely was not in the mood for rejection. However, the fact that my birth mom wasn't talking to me made me want to reach out to him that much more, but something kept holding me back. I am sure it was fear..the unknown. I didn't know if I even wanted to go there. Needless to say, the moment came and went and I didn't do anything about it.

His boys were there for a week. They were in 6th. 7th, and 8th grade. Much too young to be drug into the situation, I thought. Since my husband works there, I usually go there several times throughout the week with the kids to hang out and visit. That week, I did not go one time. I didn't know what to do. If he happened to be there again, what would I say? Would I leave him alone and pretend to not know that he is my dad or do I throw caution in the wind and belt out the news to him that would surely cause him to panic. I couldn't think anymore. I was so sad and confused. Once again, I hated myself, my life, my adoption. WHY did it have to happen? More then anything, I missed my birth mom. I would have given anything to talk to her at that moment. Ask her if she would come down and approach him with me or see if she would call and tell him the story of how I saw him. I really missed her.

I was given the very same opportunity the following summer. Same camp, same scenario...he leaning against the wall talking to everyone who passed. When he caught me looking his way, this time he smiled and said, 'How are you doing?'. There were soooo many ways I could have answered that question. I chose the easy route and said, "Fine, thank you."

That was the last encounter I had with him. I know his name and where he lives. I am sure I could easily find his address. I could write him a letter and explain everything. But the truth is, I am scared. I don't know if I'm ready for the risk. I am so afraid it's not going to work out. No matter what I tell myself going into it, if it doesn't work out I will be devastated...again. I'm just tired and fearful for the unknown. I put it all out on the line for my birth mom, and I think because of that I have become a little more guarded. I may later regret not having a conversation with him, but for now it's something I am willing to live with until I feel like I have the strength to pursue another relationship with my natural family.

A chance encounter

Life goes on because it has to, NOT that I wanted it to. I thought about her all of the time. I had my days where I was so angry at her I couldn't see straight. She only lived an hour and a half away, so I contemplated driving to her house. I wanted her to look me in the eyes and tell me what I did wrong, why she was mad, and why she's completely turning her back on me again. I don't know what kept me from doing just that. Some of it was probably fear. I was afraid what I would find if I did that. I finally learned that this was my life now. I was grateful for the time we had together. I decided it was time to move on. It had to.

Over a year had passed since I had last talked to my birth mom. I still thought about her often and wondered where she was and how she was doing, but I moved on the best I could. I stayed busy with my kids, hanging out with my friends, teaching, gardening, and in the summers I helped at a camp that my husband helped direct. Busying myself was, and still is, how I cope with things. Basically, I don't cope, I just stay as busy as I possibly can so I don't have to think. Good plan, right?

Anyway, I was working registration at camp one afternoon with another girl. I overheard the girl I was working with talking to some campers' mom about the same hometown where I was born. Anytime I heard talk about my birthplace, my ears perked up a little. For one, it is in fact where i was born so that sparks some interest. It also is a very small town and if they grew up there, chances are they could very well know about me and my family. I look at them and wonder if somehow I am related to them or if they knew my biological family.

As the mother of the campers was writing a check to pay their camp balance, I asked the girl I was working with what their last name was. She showed me their registration card. I gasped as I read the name on the card. Would you believe me if I told you that they had the SAME last name as my biological dad? Turns out, it was the wife of my biological father and she was registering their three boys....my half brothers. Crazy!!!!

My heart skipped a beat as I was processing all of this. I quickly scoured over the small crowd that was there looking to see if I saw my biological dad. And I did. He was standing about twenty feet away from me, leaning against the wall and talking to a group of people. He caught me looking his way, tilted his hat and smiled at me. (Just being friendly. He didn't have a clue who I was. ) OMG...I could not get over it. What are the odds that this would happen? There in front of me was my DAD! I could not get over it. A million things raced through my mind (of course, my first thought was "I have to call my birth mom! She will not believe this!" I did later that evening. She did not answer or return my call though.)

So, what do you think I did? I'm interested to hear how you all would write the rest of this story. We need to have a little fun in all of this. The last few posts have been pretty depressing! Let me know how you think this encounter ended and I will tell the rest of the story tomorrow!

Moving Forward

After our initial meeting, the honeymoon continued. Life was great...the best it had ever been. I was so happy. I knew my parents, especially my mom, were not thrilled with the situation, but it was what it was and they knew they had no control. We dealt with it by not talking about it. Not good,I know, but at that time I was just trying to figure out how to deal with everything and keep my head above water. They never brought it up, so neither did I. We were all just ready to move forward.

A couple months after our initial meeting, my birth mom wanted me to meet her parents. I was apprehensive because I didn't know how I felt about them. After all, if her parents would have supported her decision to keep me I would never have been placed for adoption. I could have grown up with my birth mom instead of meeting her for the first time at 25. They were very close...something else that I felt I missed out on...but I knew it was very important to her that I meet them, so I went through with it. More for her then me, but I was glad that I did.

It was like a mini family reunion. I took my daughter with me. Her parents were there, one of her sisters, two of her aunts, and her niece. They were all so warm and loving. Her mom greeted me with open arms and a few tears. She didn't say much, at first, but she didn't have to. I could see it in her eyes. I looked at photo albums, answered questions about my life, listened to their stories...I enjoyed every minute of it.

I was living a dream. I could not have been happier. Not realizing at the time, I was still enjoying the honeymoon. I had no idea how things were about to change.