Thursday, July 8, 2010

Mama, do you love me?

If you have small children, you more than likely have come across this book before while perusing the bookstore or library. Maybe it's the elementary teacher coming out in me, but I LOVE children's books. They're simple, sweet, and full of meaning. This book is no different. It is a touching story about a little girl who imagines different scenarios to test her mother's love and devotion. No matter what scenario the little girl comes up with, her mother reassures her and lets her know how deep her love is for her. It's a very sweet story about a child's insecurities and a mother's unconditional love.

I really struggle with this very thing in my reunion with my birth mom. Love is such a complex emotion. It is sometimes hard for me to understand how she could possibly love me. She says it, but how do I know she really means it? In some ways, I'm a little jealous of the girl in the story. I didn't have the opportunity to grow up in a world where I could ask that simple question, "Mama, do you love me?". After all, my mom gave me away. If she loved me, she would have kept me. She would have tried harder, fought longer, found a way to make it work. Now, here I am an adult... she was in my life, then out of my life, now she's back in and she's telling me she loves me? How do I know?

The connection I have with my birth mom cannot be described with words. I love her very much. Having her in my life is so very important to me. Deep down, I believe her when she tells me she loves me. I really do. It's just sometimes the child inside me fears that love could fade based on the different scenarios that I've imagined. But, I am slowly learning to trust. I just wish it were all a little easier.


  1. I love children's books too...the only one I really had a hard time with was "Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman.


  2. I don't really know your situation when it came to the why's and the things going on in your birthmother's life when she had you and placed you for adoption. I can only speak for myself.
    My daughter didn't get placed for adoption because I didn't love her enough. I loved and still love my daughter. I was forced to place her for adoption. I didn't know my rights.
    I have had contact with her on a social network but so far she hasn't been forthcoming with what is really on her mind.

  3. Adore childrens books and I confess I'm a secret collector now my girl has grown up and I'm waiting on grandies.I was delighted to become a Godmother a while back..another excuse to buy kid's books!I nourish my inner child regularly!
    Yes the trust thing.Somehow I knew at reunion my mother loved me and always had done. Never questioned it, maybe it was the way she explained it.
    Great post!

  4. Hi, I stumbled along your blog. I love your complete honesty.