Saturday, November 20, 2010

Blog Stalkers Please Come Forward

I admit that I peruse blogs on occasion and do not leave comments saying who I am. I didn't think much of it until I started noticing random URL's and such on my blog. I would love to know who is following my blog so comments are great, but if you're anything like me you only have a small window of opportunity to read other blogs so there's usually not much time to comment. Anyway, blog stalking was not such a big deal to me UNTIL after the crazy dream I had last night.

I dreamt that my AP's and my asister had come across my blog. If you remember THIS POST and my amom's reaction, that was pretty much the reaction in my dream. It was intense. It turned into an absolute nightmare. was scary! SO much so that when I awoke this morning I debated going private. I love the idea that my blog can help others, but I don't want any part of it to hurt someone else.

YES, I am sometimes mad. YES, I am sometimes sad. Yes, I am sometimes angry, disappointed, frustrated, name it, I have been it on my blog. Despite that, my intentions are not to blog so I can talk about people behind their backs. There are occasionally things that I say about my families on my blog that I know I am not ready to say to them in person. BUT, that's how blogging has been GREAT therapy for me. Getting your thoughts out there and off your chest/mind is such a release and receiving feedback from others that understand is even more therapeutic.

So, I was just curious about your thoughts on this topic. How many of your AP's, first/birth/natural mom's, dad's, brother's, sister's, adoptee's, etc (wherever they fit in the triangle) know you have a blog and follow it? If so, did they find it on their own? Did you tell them? How was their reaction? Are/were you glad they found it or you told them about it?

My AP's are not real computer savvy, but my nmom, asister, and abrothers are. However, none of them know that I have a blog so they wouldn't be looking for it. I've totally debated telling my nmom about it, but I'm not sure how she'll react to it. You know, reading the "truth" is not easy.


  1. I am one of your blog followers/stalkers. I am a natural mom and natural grandma. Some of my family do know about my blog but not all of them know about it. My adult nieces have told me it made them understand me more on such a deep level. My raised kids who are teenagers know about my blog but don't read it.

  2. Great question Jen. Yes I am following you too.

    My mom is actually following my blog, and it can be hard, because my intentions are not to hurt her. She has worked through a lot of her own issues, but has never truly faced (IMHO) how her issues affected her children. I am sure some of the things I say have been a little tough to face. Still she has remained supportive because she realizes that other adoptive and foster parents and former adoptees and foster care alumni could benefit from our experiences. I totally respect her for that.

    My fathers wife found my blog and is out of her mind freaking livid! She went around trashing me on facebook and leaving "anonymous" (that could have only been left by her (INMHO)
    comments on my blog accusing me of lying. Which is so funny because it has nothing to do with her, but then again some personality types think everything is. It is about me, my life, MY parents and helping the next generation through our lessons learned.

  3. I know that a few of my n family members read my blog. I dont think anyone in my a family does...because if they did, I would know about it.

    I think that was one of the reasons it took me so long to start blogging- I was afraid of hurting them.

    But, in the end, I realized I had been hurting myself my whole life by keeping everything inside. My blog is one of my ways of going to therapy- except there in no co-pay.

  4. I'm there on your followers list Jen.I read every post and don't always comment.
    As far as I know no-one related to me follows my blog.My immediate family read occasionally, as do close friends.A distant cousin may read on FB but doesn't comment.
    I think the only rule is don't say what you wouldn't to anyone's face.

  5. Well, I follow you. A mom who blogs myself and I get it. I have been told that my daughter says that I say mean things about stuff. I don't pull punches, but I certainly don't set out to be hurtful. Most of the time, when I blog, it is totally "me" based. Especially since there is no way I can tell another persons story.....I know that at least one of my sister-in-laws reads my blog, and, after my husband died and during my meltdown, my mother-in-law read it...of course now she does not speak to me at all.

    Honestly, I don't know how anyone can not realize that it is a totally "me" thing that is bound to change and grow or how it is about our personal journeys. But I am betting that most don't...

    Either way, I hope that people realize that it is not really about know?

    I would like to link to this....I think that you say something very important here.

  6. I read your blog, but I don't comment often.

    Nobody in my "real life" knows about my blog. The main person I worry about finding it is my son that was given up for adoption. Not because anything I have written isn't the truth. But because I worry the truth may hurt him. I don't want him to take my loss and pain onto himself.

  7. My very first blog was just a simple blog that I created and sent to family. Then, I added a blog and started blogging about being a birthmother. I didn't know that basically it gave them access to my other blog. So, I deleted it and moved. I later learned that my little sister thought my younger sister either was reading or read it now. I have no way to know for sure. The only person that I choose to give my blog to was my step daughter because her Mom gave a son up for adoption and I was wondering her thoughts on it. I think it caused some uncomfortable moments because I think she thought I was a little off. It didn't help that I about had a mental breakdown when she had her daughter. I really don't think she is reading it anymore, but also for some privacy I have a private blog. I wouldn't recommend showing off the blog to family. I wouldn't quit blogging out of fear though.

  8. I read your blog as soon as it pops up on my blogroll!! (I'm a total

    My nmom knows that I blog..and had actually read an earlier blog I'd had when we had first reunited. I took that one down though once I had my present one up and running. I think that my amom would freak out if she knew I was writing all of my feelings down. She'd be fine if it was all in a private diary, but knowing that I'm airing all of our dirty laundry for all to read would definitely send her over the edge.

  9. Hello, I have been stalking as well. =)

    I have been following you for a few months now. I am an AP and have been reading your blog and those of other adoptees to know what my son might be feeling one day. Just wanted to de-lurk and say hi. I really feel that yours and other adoptee blogs are necessary for us APs to read, no matter how hard it is.

  10. I am bad at keeping up with blogs, but I follow :-)

    I had this issue on Facebook, not understanding how Facebook shares what I post on pages and friend's walls on the Live Feed. My Adoptive Mom read some of my comments about Family Preservation on some pages and friend's walls and, not understanding the context, thought I was mad at her for some reason. I have the same worries about my blog. It's important for me to be honest about my feelings. But my families (both First and Adoptive) know about my blog and I always worry it will hurt their feelings when it wasn't meant to.

  11. I just started writing my own blog and just now am starting to realize how cool comments are. I didn't tell anyone that I'm blogging about my experience, and I'm sure when they eventually find out, I'll hear about it and I'll know. Until that happens, I'm going to enjoy not having to explain myself for once and feeling guilty.