Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Stepford life

Do you ever read other people's blogs or hear about another person's life and wonder if they ever have any problems? You know, like the "Stepford family" you see at the park. They arrive in their shiny, newly cleaned and waxed minivan. The doors open and mom, dad, big brother and little sister step out, laughing. Brother and sister run to the swings calling out for dad to give them a push. Mom urges dad to go while she lays the blanket out onto the grass and starts unpacking their picnic lunch. You hear their giggles and see their smiles and think of how lucky they are to have THAT.

As your cheeks start burning with envy, you are pulled back into your reality...YOUR life. Your littlest fell off the jungle gym while you were jealously watching the Stepford family. She's screaming, you're trying to soothe her....meanwhile, your other two children are fighting over the last drink out of the only water bottle you brought. You meant to grab drinks for everyone, but forgot because you were trying to just remember all your children as you were heading out the door. Frustrated that you can't calm your baby and irritated that your others are fighting, you decide to call it quits and head home. Your baby is still screaming, your middle child is throwing a fit because he doesn't want to leave, and your oldest is pouting because you made her give up the last drink of water so ONE of your other two would quit screaming. As your piling your kids back into your dirty, cluttered van, you glance back over at the Stepford family that is now laughing and enjoying their picnic in the park. There, just for a moment, you wish that you had THAT.

The next day, you go to church with your family. Afterwards, you go eat at your favorite restaurant. The kids are behaving AMAZINGLY well. You and hubby enjoy your time talking to each other while the kids are quietly coloring their kids menus and patiently waiting for the food to come. They look so sweet and charming dressed in their Sunday best. The waiter even comments on how well-behaved your children are. You and hubby enjoy the time together as a family. You make plans for the week. Talk about the kids' schedules and work schedules. You laugh at the cute comments your precious little ones are making. It's a great time.

A couple tables away, a mom is there by herself with her two children. The kids are arguing because the food is taking too long. The oldest is mad at mom because she made him order off the kids menu because it was cheaper. The youngest starts pestering big brother and, in the process, knocks her drink over onto mom's new coat. Mom, about to lose her temper, turns and takes a deep breath and slowly starts counting to ten. As she's counting, she sees your family. Mom and dad together, laughing and talking. Three beautiful, well-behaved children. Tears begin to burn her eyes as she wishes, just for a moment, that she had THAT.

Even in the crazy world of adoption, we all have our Stepford moments. Believe it or not, each of us have had some moment where things seemed to be perfect in the eye of a complete stranger. SOme of you may be laughing at this point, but it's true. The outside is not always what it seems...good or bad. I've definitely had those moments where I've read something and wished, for that moment, that I had THAT. Like when I read the latest blog entry of the "Stepford AP's" that spend the holidays and plan vacations with their little adoptlings first mom. Oh, how I wish I could of had that.

I wish that I could be excited when my nmom plans something with me and not afraid that it's not going to happen. I wish that I wasn't paranoid every time she's a day late in returning a phone call that she's backing away from me again. I wish that it felt natural to call her mom or have my children call her grandma. I wish that I wasn't googling my ndad and spending hours looking at pictures of my half siblings that I will probably never know. I wish that things were different, but their not.

So, my point in all of this is that we all have our moments. Just keep in mind when you get to feeling jealous, and wishing that you had someone else's life...they very well may be wishing the same thing about yours. What would we do without the Stepford's? I guess it keeps us dreaming and everyone needs a dream.


  1. How very wow - I used to, when I first started reading your blog, wish so much that my daughter was like you...wanting to know me, to spend time with me. I see, after reading many many of your blog entries, that you are, after all, normal.

    Yes, I get this....I know what it is like to do that.......