Thursday, April 14, 2011


You know, the craziest things happen when you're not looking for them. At least for me. Finding my husband, getting pregnant with twins, losing my twins, finding out I was pregnant with my 3rd, and , of course, my reunion with my mom totally blindsided me. Those are the first situations that popped in my head that were completely unexpected. I wasn't looking or expecting any of those things to happen, but they did. Some of those situations were for the better and some of them I'm still trying to figure out "why". Regardless, they all came when I least expected it. you have probably guessed by now...I have been blindsided once again.

As I was getting ready to leave for school yesterday morning, I noticed that I had an email notifying me of a message someone left for me on facebook. So, I clicked on it just to see who it was. I didn't recognize the name so I started reading the message:

I am helping a friend search for their daughter...we believe you are her call me @ ***-***-****. His name is (first name) (last name), he is your dad

My first thought, being as naive as I can sometimes, was "Oh, someone must be randomly searching for a family member and came across my name." However, when I got to the last line and saw his first and last name, I thought I was going to pass out. It was insane. According to my mom, he's known that she's been in contact with me for 9 years. Why is he trying to find me now? He knows how to get in touch with her. Why isn't he just calling her? Who in the world is this "friend" that's trying to help him? The questions just kept coming.

I sent my mom a text and asked her if she knew the friend by name. She, of course, didn't. I told her the rest of the situation and she said she knew nothing about it and she'd call me after work and we could figure it all out. So I went to school and went on with my normal routine. I thought about the situation off and on all day and wondered what I should do.

I've mentioned before that I don't know how I feel about meeting my dad. It has been so emotionally draining trying to figure out my relationship with my mom that I honestly don;t know if I can pursue another relationship right now. Plus, this one was easy because it was his friend, not him. I thought if he wanted to talk to me, find me, whatever, he could do it himself. It may sound kind of bratty but, unfortunately, my heart is a bit guarded right now. I don't want to be hurt.

When I got home from school, I got on facebook to see if this friend of his had any pictures or other info on her page. She didn't. All it showed was where she lived and that she was a 'she'. No profile pic or anything. I started talking to my husband about it when I noticed another message had popped up. I clicked on it and I read:

I was wondering if you are my sister. (My first, maiden and last names). Daughter of (my mom's first and last name). I was wondering if you know your birth dads name?

I just about died! What on earth is happening? My dad is supposedly looking for me and then my half brother sends me a message the same day looking for me. I could handle the "friend of my dad" situation because it wasn't him, just a friend. But my brother? I don't want to leave him hanging. He has a picture of him with what looks like a girlfriend or something as his profile pic. No other information. I text my mom and she called and told me that he was my dad's middle son with his current wife. He's in high school.

So, like I said...the craziest things happen when you're not looking for them. I haven't messaged anybody back. It just happened yesterday and I'm trying to process it all. What do I want? What should I do? What will I regret if I don't? You know...all the good questions that roll through your mind. I think I might respond to the friend and give her my e-mail and tell her he can contact me that way. i don;t want to call and talk to a complete stranger. As far as my brother's message,I want to respond just to say I got it and yes, I know my birth dad's name. I'm not sure what he wants or is expecting. He's young and obviously has no idea what he's getting himself into. But, really, who does? I know I don't!


  1. Oh, snap! Yeah....things can pop up when we least expect them to. I like your idea of having the friend give him your email.

    As far as your brother goes, how young is he? I think I would go ahead and contact him. Yes, it's scary, but in the end, the rewards can outweigh the risk.

    It is kind of odd that they would both be contacting you. I wouldn't wait too long...just in case he is sick or something.

  2. Go for it, you may regret later if you don't.I had the strangest thing happen to me today too..weird!

  3. If you feel right about it, I say go for it!

    What a curious, exciting turn of events.

  4. Holy crap!! My head would be swimming too! I know you are still processing all this, but I am so excited for you... (HUGS)

  5. I'm excited for you that more of your family is reaching out to you!

  6. Hi Jen, it's been a while since I visited (I've gotten all discombobulated since I moved my blog) and what a day I chose to come by! What an amazing story! Good luck with whatever path you choose to take.

  7. I of course am always one to expect the worst from people so my first thought is that the "friend" isn't really a friend at all, but your dad who made up a profile to message you through.

    Also, if he is talking about you at home it wouldn't be so weird for his son to also be reaching out to you at the same time.

    The brother is probably not expecting anything but to know you. All of my children look at my son who was placed for adoption like he is a rock star. They just want to talk to him and know him and bask in the light at his feet.

    And as far as not being up to a relationship with your never know, maybe having a relationship with him will be nothing like your relationship with your birthmom, maybe it will be easy.

    Good luck and I am so happy you are back!

    I think both of their intentions seem pure and who knows "why" now after all these years, but it could be a number of things all leading to him trying to give you time to get to know your birth mom first before he tried to jump in. Or maybe he thought once she told you who he was that you would contact him.

    Some birth parents don't contact their child because they feel like they would be interrupting their life but would welcome that child with open arms if they reached out to them.