Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I know I've been M.I.A. for a while. I've been trying to figure out where I am in all this. I've been doing a good job masking things for a while and I'm afraid to open up and let the flood gates in. You know, blogging kind of has a way of doing that! I was going through and reading past entries and came across the "Ask Me Anything" post. I realized I never finished answering questions so I thought I would finish that up, so....

If you could change anything that you have done with regard to reunion, what would it be and why?
I wish I would have talked to a counselor from the very beginning of our reunion. I went into it completely blindsighted...we both did. I don't think anything can prepare you for the reunion rollercoaster, but I do know once I started talking to a counselor (4 years into my reunion), it helped tremendously!

Do you mind being called an "Adoptee"? Have you ever had any thoughts about it?
I've never thought about this one before. I guess I would have to answer with a yes and no. No, I do not mind being called an adoptee because that is, in fact, what I am. However, I do mind at times being called an adoptee because, in the adoption triad, you have the least amount of say about anything pertaining to you. It is beyond frustrating in that regard. But for the most part, an adoptee is what I am, so I have to be ok with it.

When it comes to talking about adoption with your birthmom...did she initiate the talking about the deep stuff or you?
In our first reunion, it was always me that initiated everything.
If you did, would you have preferred that she did instead? YES!! I totally wished she would have some. It made me feel like I was always "bugging" her or dredging up the past that she, clearly, wasn't overly willing to talk about.

What did you want to know most from her?
I mostly wanted to know why she gave me up and if she regretted it. I really wanted to know if she truly loved me and cared about me or if I was just a distant memory once she gave me away.

Is/was there monetary differences / social class differences between your first family and second family? YES, on both accounts.
What if any affect did that have on your comfort level? Was it awkward or important? Does it matter to me that we have some social and monetary differences? Absolutely not. Once I dove into this whole reunion with my mom, all I ever wanted was to be loved by her. I do not care about receiving fancy, expensive gifts or if she drives a nice car or lives in a huge house. None of that matters to me. I love her a lot and I just want to be loved by her.

The above question reinforces one of my biggest frustrations about adoption. In so many instances mom's feel they need to give their child up so they can have a better life...earthly treasures, more or less. Children do not care about those things. If they know they are loved and feel loved, none of the other stuff matters. In my opinion, your time and attention means more than any monetary thing you can buy. All I ever wanted was her love. Nothing else mattered. Honestly and truly. Sometimes, being an adult adoptee leaves you feeling like a grown child...trying to claw your way back into a family that discarded you. Not a fun feeling! That's a whole 'nother issue though! I guess I'll have to save that one for another post!


  1. I am glad you "came back" too! Love you darling girl!

  2. Nice to see you return... I am curious about one thing. You said that adoptees have the least input in the "triad," in the beginning of the adoption disaster I have to agree. But don't you think that changes in the reunion part of this mess? I have wondered about that for a while.

  3. Yes, Lori, it can change. But, as an adoptee (or just a child in general), the bottom line is...we did nothing to bring ourselves into the world, but we spend the rest of it trying to figure it out.

  4. With my son I am afraid to bring up the deep stuff for fear that he won't want to know about all that. Also, a friend of mine told me I shouldn't burden him with the feelings of sorrow and loss that I felt because he is just fine and happy and it's not his burden to bare.

    I have told him I am an open book and he can ask me anything he wants to know and I will share it, but so far he has only asked why I didn't keep him, did I not want to be reminded of him and that time in my life and about his birth father.

    Do you think it might be that way with your mom? I highly doubt your questions "bug" her. It's a scary thing to bring up or talk about because once something has been said you can't take it back ya know?