Sunday, May 16, 2010

Learning about my birth mom

"Just breathe", was all that I could say to myself. I COULD NOT believe that my birth mom was looking for me. I had a million questions. How did she find me? Did she know who I was? Had I known her my whole life, but didn't know it? Question after question raced through my mind. I was in complete shock. Since I was in the middle of teaching, I told her that I would have to call her back after school.

Needless to say, the rest of my day was drowned in a sea of thoughts. I was really excited. I could not believe that God had answered my prayers in such an amazing way. When I called the lady from the state back, we talked for quite a while. She told me that we were matched in the reunion registry that they have. I thought back to what had happened before I got married, and realized that my mom had mistakenly signed me up. I had the paperwork at my house still in a drawer. I couldn't do it, but at that moment in time, I was SO thankful that my mom had.

After I went home that night, I talked to my husband about it. He was excited for me. Initially, I was thrilled about the idea of getting to know my birth mom. However, as the reality of it all set in and I talked to my two best friends about it, the emotions hit me hard. I cried and cried and could not stop. I never imagined in a million years that this would happen. I was so confused. The roller coaster ride had begun.

The lady from the state needed to know what information she could disclose to my birth mom about me. I told her I needed to think about it. After all, this is a complete stranger. I still didn't know why she wanted to contact me. I felt like I should approach the situation cautiously. My birth mom had given her permission to give me any information that I wanted. The lady from the state asked me if I wanted to know her name. I grabbed a pen and paper. I remember feeling frozen in time as I was about to hear my birth mom's name for the very first time. It seemed like it took her 5 minutes to tell me. She preceded to tell me where she worked, what she looked like (based on a driver's license picture), where she lived, and then she gave me her address and phone number. Wow! Words alone can not begin to describe how I felt. Now I had to decide what to do next.

The fact that my parents did not know was what bothered me the most. I had to tell them. I remember feeling so overwhelmed at school I couldn't focus on my job. My thoughts were consumed with my birth mom. I was so overcome with emotions. I had to ask my principal if I could leave early. I didn't go into detail why I needed to leave, but she understood. I left school after lunch and went straight to my parents house. I had to tell them. They needed to know what was going on. I couldn't move forward until they knew what was happening to me.

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