Friday, May 14, 2010

Everyone needs an outlet...

I am hoping this blog becomes mine. The place that I can come to share my innermost thoughts, dreams, and fears. I am living a life that I sometimes do not know how to survive. On the outside, I have it college sweetheart, picture-perfect children, a successful career, loving friends and family, a comfortable get the picture. However, on the inside, I feel weak, helpless, and oftentimes, unlovable.

Over the years, I have discovered that being adopted has left me with many emotional scars. Scars that I never knew existed. I grew up knowing I was adopted, but I was pretty sure that I knew I was loved. I didn't realize how, deep inside, I longed for my birthmom. I longed for the woman who carried me for 9 months...fought for me, cried for me, wanted me to have more then she knew she could give me. I had no idea how much I longed for her, until she became a part of my life. At the age of 24, you figure out pretty quick that this is not a journey for the weak. This journey comes without an instruction book. Just faith and prayer that you will figure it out.

My faith got me through many dark hours, but I guess you get to a point where it feels like you do not have anymore left in you. Nothing to sustain you. However, by the grace of God, I will get through this valley and come out a better person on the other side.

Over the course of the next few days, weeks, maybe even months, I will share my story piece by piece. No one can understand the feelings associated with this kind of love unless they have been there. Thank you for following along and walking this road with me.

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